Who doesn't love a great cigar?

So, I have an affinity for going to the right places at all the wrong times. If you want to know what not to do and where not to go, well, then listen to me. Travelling is great. Its actually (next to shopping at Nordstrom) one of my favorite hobbies. I'm a school teacher...well, currently...that could change at any moment. Haven't you heard? School teachers get 2 and a half months off every summer...jealous yet?? What they don't pay us in cash, they pay us in time off. My husband is a school teacher too, well, currently, that, again, could change at any moment. Soooooo, the point is that we travel...alot...live for it actually.

Just about the best vacation we've taken in the last year was to South Beach, Florida. Yes...the famed land of all the beautiful, sexy, chiseled bodies. If you're larger than a size 4, don't you dare show up on the beach in a two piece...unless, of course, you just don't care about public opinion. South Beach is not exclusive to only the gods and goddesses out there, but...well, the idea is intimidating. I dieted and worked out for weeks before our trip just to avoid embarrassment. Anyways...

We stayed in mid beach. In my opinion, the beaches are a little bit nicer...quieter. Don't go too far north though...it gets too hard to get to the "southy" attractions. Forget taking your car anywhere in mid or south beach...way too hard to find parking. Take a cab, or, rent a moped.They are super fun and not as scary as I thought they would be. Lay out in the sun all day, get cleaned up and take your moped down to "South" beach. There you will find the best restaurants, tons of places to shop, and almost everyone else that wants to show off their couture. Yeah...I know that tube top was a great deal at Walmart, but, leave it at home this time... unless, of course you just don't care about public opinion.

We ate at Emeril's Restaurant in South Beach. Delicious...the best banana creme pie I have ever eaten...oh, and the meal was good too. You're gonna need to run at least an hour on the treadmill to get rid of it later...but, you're on vacation, right? You know, the wait staff at the Emeril's restaurant actually pull the table out to let you into the booth and then push the table in to close you in. What service. Warning though...be prepared to spend at least 150 for apps, meals, and desserts for 2...extra if you're a wine lover like me :-).

A pocket full of cash and the south beach shopping district are a girl's best friend. Love it. Go at night after dinner. The weather is great for shopping...oh, by the way, we took this trip in the spring...if you love the juicy coutures, bcbg's, and armani exchanges...well, you'll be in heaven. Many times, you will find street performers out trying to impress a few bucks out of you. We saw this one lady all dressed in white with white makeup and white hair. I was once a little artsy one...so, I thought it was cool. People down there love to make crap out of those palm branches too. If you see one of those people, go to the other side of the street. The one guy made me a rose out of the palm branch...kinda cool, but, I didn't want it...I felt bad though not tipping him, and, now, all of have is a yucky brown thing that sort of looks like a flower. I wanted to pitch it, but, my darling husband said that we "paid" for it, and therefore, must keep it in all of its brown glory. Guess I'll have to sneak it out of the house sometime while he's taking a nap. :-)

Something else about south beach...for such a glamourous place, they sure do have alot of bums laying about. You can't go anywhere in south beach without running into a bum, better yet a schizo bum screaming about how he needs the cash to pay for a loved one's medication. There are alot of restaurants and shops on the street closest to the beach. Restaurant staff will try to entice you to dine with them, or to drink with them. They will offer you all sorts of 2 for 1's and other such gimmicks just to get you, but, diners, beware. The panhandlers are everywhere and, being that you will be eating at a sidewalk table, they will have full access to you and you will have no choice but to interrupt your meal at least once to say, "buzz off", "I don't have any change", or (in my husband's case) "no hablo ingles"...Yeah, that's not such a good one to try in south beach. Many south florida natives are bi-lingual...she responded to him fluently in what she now thought was his native tongue.

Well, I haven't heard anything about cigars yet...why did this silly girl title this entry "Who doesn't love a great cigar?"...well, really...who doesn't? There are such the cutest girls roaming the streets selling cigars. They will even light them for you so that (if the wind isn't catchy) you can stroll about giving out lovely fragrant puffs as you think..."this is me"...I am not that uptight, overworked school teacher who spends her days saying such things as "Throw that dirty tissue away!" or "Who spilled this juice on the floor?"...no...that person is someone else and I am rich beyond imagination. I dine at the yummiest restaurants. I have a rock hard body because I eat no carbs and workout all the time. When I shop, I need servants to carry all the bags. And yes, I...am smoking a warm cigar...not a cigarette, no...not those...they are for commoners...a juicy cigar instead with the wind in my hair and the sound of the ocean behind me... The End.

Incidentally, south beach is the birthplace of the south beach diet (I think)...'dern it' if its not hard to find a Haagen Dazs there...but I found one tucked at the very end of the street next to the starbucks. Ice cream never tasted so good until you've spent the last week looking for a place that might actually serve it....Also, the Bella Cuba Restaurant is pretty good, if you like that kind of thing...